Transcript of this Morning's White House Press Briefing Regarding Bolivia

AP: Scott, in recent days the administration has really stepped up its rhetoric on Bolivia. Last week a senior defense official was quoted as saying that recent unrest there is really, "a Cuban project," as opposed to a genuine local protest. Can you elaborate on the administration's intelligence on that?

Scott McLellan: Yes, thank you. The administration is indeed gravely concerned about political developments in Bolivia. As the President has noted about other parts of the world, we think the physical security of Americans is at stake in this.

AP: Wait Scott, are you saying that Americans in Bolivia are in physical danger?

Scott McLellan: No, not Americans in Bolivia. We believe that all Americans face a security risk due to events in Bolivia…Americans in Boise, and Birmingham and Seattle as well.

AP: Did you say Americans in Boise? Under threat from Bolivia? Can you elaborate?

Scott McLellan: Yes, we now have very reliable intelligence that the weapons of mass destruction not found in Iraq are being hidden in Bolivia…

NY Times: Wait Scott…in Bolivia? In Bolivia? What is this intelligence?

Scott McLellan: Intelligence sources in which we have great confidence…now you know I can't go into detail on that…we have evidence that the weapons are being hidden in large skirts being worn by female Cuban agents in the capital of La Paz. We have satellite photos showing these skirts, which really are quite artificially large. Some of these skirts puff out to up to three feet in diameter making an ideal place to conceal such weapons. Eyewitness intelligence on the ground estimates that the number of these skirt concealment devices reaches into the thousands. What we are talking about here is a sizeable arsenal.

NY Times: Scott, wait. Are you suggesting that indigenous women in Bolivia are hiding Saddam Hussein's hidden WMDs under their skirts…that you have hard intelligence on that? That is what you are saying?

Scott McLellan: No, as I said earlier, these are not Bolivian indigenous women, these are Cuban agents operating in disguise and, yes, they are using these Bolivian skirts to hide the weapons in question.

ABC News: Scott, let me get in a question here. Does the administration have photographic evidence of the actual weapons? Is it preparing to show any evidence of this sort to OAS or the UN?

Scott McLellan: Thanks Todd, well we have had a problem on that. Skillfully, these agents have woven themselves in among legitimate indigenous women and this has made the gathering of evidence more difficult. One of our assets on the ground was jailed actually by local authorities for trying to secure photographic evidence. It turned out that the subject in question was just wearing light blue underwear…let me double check on the color on that though.

ABC News: Scott, Scott…wait, do you have any hard evidence to back this up?

Scott McLellan: Yes, I assure you, our intelligence on this is solid and real. We have a photograph of one of these Cuban agents in police custody that we will be releasing shortly. The threat is clear and the President is concerned. We ask all Americans to be on the alert for any women they see walking down the streets here at home, near public reservoirs, power installations and the like, anyone wearing large oversized skirts.

[Note to readers: As real as this may seem, we did in fact make it up. Apologies to those who believed it]