Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Morales Charges U.S. Conspiracy to Force Bolivia onto Daylight Savings Time

President Evo Morales, equipped with a wall clock as a prop, charged Tuesday that the U.S. Embassy in La Paz is engaged in clandestine effort to coerce Bolivia to adopt Daylight Savings Time, moving the nation's clocks forward and backward an hour in coordination with the U.S.

To back his claim Morales released a set of intercepted e-mail messages between the Embassy and State Department officials in Washington.

"We have seen the government of the U.S. try to undermine our democracy, block us from the lawful export of coca products, and smuggle in munitions. But now we see that these conspirators also have their sights set on changing our clocks. We denounce this before the world community."

Morales also declared an Embassy clerical worker, Lindsey Phillips, to be persona-non-grata, making her the fourth Embassy official to be sent home by the Bolivian government. Citing the intercepted e-mails, Morales charged that Phillips was leading the effort to change his nation's clocks, and that she had "clear and ongoing contact" with regional opposition groups to gain their support to promote the plan.

Morales also charged that USIAD was using its funding to engineer support for the change from domestic political organizations, and demanded a full accounting from Embassy officials.

In Washington, State Department spokeswoman Susan Richards denied the charge. "The United States has always maintained that the decision of what time to keep is a sovereign one that must be made by each nation according to its own values."

She added that the latest charge by Morales seemed to be an attempt by the Bolivian government to distract public attention from recent charges of corruption against his administration, as well as a potential loss Wednesday by the Bolivian national soccer team in a World Cup qualifying match against Argentina. "The Morales government's proclivity to link these charges to key sporting events, unfortunately, is well-known."

Intercepted Embassy E-mails

While Bolivian officials have yet to publicly release the intercepted e-mails cited, through an anonymous source the Democracy Center was able to secure excerpts from three of them.

One of the e-mails, dated last September, is from Ms. Phillips to a State Department colleague, Rachel Larson, in which Phillips blamed Bolivia's refusal to adopt Daylight Savings Time for a missed teleconference with Washington.

Subject: wednesadayssuck
Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:20:44 -0400

Ugggh, I am so utterly bummed. I was supposed to do a video Skype today with my boyfriend, Ronnie, you remember the one – so hot, that clerk in legal affairs with the biceps. We set it for noon when that %&*hole I work for is off for one of his looooong Bolivian lunches and can't see me using the computer for "personal business." And geeeeze, this dumb country isn’t even on the same time as Washington. It is like an entire hour ahead, so I missed him completely. $%it, forget all this War on Drugs stuff. Let's change that, no?


The second e-mail excerpt secured by the Democracy Center includes an exchange between Phillips and a State Department employee, Ronald Duncan, that according to Morales demonstrates the Embassy's collaboration with regional opposition groups:


Subject: Mr. Santa Cruz
Date: Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:38:51 -0500

So, I hear from Rachel that you are still seeing that guy in Santa Cruz. What's with that? She says you were all over his arm at Epocruz, and got so trashed at his house on Carnival that you thought Alexanders was a disco! I saw his ugly mug on your Facebook page. So maybe I'll still come for spring break or maybe I won't. Not if I hear you're still seeing that guy."


The source of the USAID charge is a December 2008 e-mail from Lawrence Fordham, a USAID accountant in La Paz, to the accounting manager at a Bolivian non-governmental organization, RECIBIMOS:

Subject: Re: December receipts
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:17:23 -0400

Thank you for the prompt reply to my request for receipts, and your kind wishes for my family. We are enjoying the warm summer days now, a welcome break from the freezing cold out first months here. But my children, especially little Eric, really miss the long summer days we used to have in Virginia. Especially with the clocks set forward, my kids could stay out until 9pm playing and it would still be light. Hey, you ought to try out Daylight Savings Time here, no?


When pressed by reporters at his La Paz news conference about how his government obtained the e-mails, Morales explained that his intelligence services had infiltrated the Embassy's computer system through the technicians brought in to address a series of problems created by the Embassy's switchover last month to Windows Vista.

"The North Americans, it turns out, aren't so smart after all. We sent in my cousin Luis with a flash drive and he got everything. That's why in our government we have used revenue from the new taxes on foreign oil companies to switch everyone over to Macs."

Reaction to Charges is Widespread

In Caracas, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez announced his country's solidarity against "the conspiracy by the empire to manipulate the comings and goings of our Bolivian brothers and sisters." Chavez then issued an executive decree setting all of the nation's clocks forward by 37 minutes, "to demonstrate our refusal to be a party to the U.S. government's iron-handed attempt to force other nations to synchronize themselves to U.S. time and U.S. policies."

Following the Morales announcement, Democracy Center staff interviewed a handful of Cochabamba residents on Calle Heroinas, to sample local reaction the news.

"Que lio es esto!" replied nut seller Oscar Nunez. "Change our clocks, I don't understand."

Lidia Flores, a marketing student at the University of San Simon, seemed puzzled at first, but then added. "If the U.S. is going to buy me a watch then okay. I don't mind it so much. What kind of watch are they going to buy me? A good one, no?"

Labor leader Ronaldo Quispe declared that the move by the U.S. was an outrageous intrusion against Bolivian rights. "La hora Boliviana is very important in our culture. We talk about it all the time. 'Oh I am late, I am on la hora Boliviana." He announced an immediate blockade of the highway between Cochabamba and La Paz to protest the plan.

[Note from Jim Shultz: Hey folks, I just noticed that a handful of Blogs have cross-posted this item as genuine news. FYI, this is an April Fool's joke, though I can see how the authenticity of the Embassy e-mails may have fooled people (okay, that's a joke too). But many thanks to Lindsey Phillips at the Embassy for her cooperation. And by the way, space aliens are on their way to Earth tonight -- either to Cincinatti or Sucre. They haven't decided yet, or so my alien sources tell me. Happy April Fools!]



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh crap, I'm the only jackass that you got with this!

8:03 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I think all the cocaine finally went to his head.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Otto Rock said...

That was a pretty good one, JS. A happy day to you, too.

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice try Jim....This has to be an April Fool's joke


In all seriousness however, the fact that Bolivia (at least for part of the year) shares the same timezone as the east coast is a MONUMENTAL competitive advantage. Just on call centers (catering to the "press 2 for spanish" market) you could easily create thousands of jobs.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was almost crazy enough to con me. The "e-mails" were hilarious.

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You got me too, but the following is to good not to be true:

"The North Americans, it turns out, aren't so smart after all. We sent in my cousin Luis with a flash drive and he got everything. That's why in our government we have used revenue from the new taxes on foreign oil companies to switch everyone over to Macs."

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Scott said...

I caught on here: "We sent in my cousin Luis with a flash drive and he got everything. That's why in our government we have used revenue from the new taxes on foreign oil companies to switch everyone over to Macs." Anyone who has tried to buy a Mac here in Bolivia knows that this has to be a joke.

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious, really really funny, a group of comedians i would say

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is fairly obvious that the US Embassy in La Paz is helping Ruben Costas en Santa Cruz.

11:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Morales Charges U.S. Conspiracy to Force Bolivia onto Daylight Savings Time"

Is Morales and the Bolivian government crazy? Why the hell would the US care about Daylight Savings Time?

11:31 AM  
Anonymous John Kennedy said...

This must be an April fools joke. LOL

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha nice, I actually believed it until I looked at the date.

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Long live Evo Morales!!! I feel very proud of him.!!! He is very smart and clever unlike most dumb Americans!!!

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

Is this an april fool's joke?

Anyway, if Lindsey Phillips really called Bolivia a dumb country, she was not being very diplomatic and deserves to be sent home.

The US should send her to Alabama or Texas - I sure she will be very happy there. If she is a republican, the US should lay her off, then she can live on tax cuts.

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one! Unfortunately, it has enough paranoid content to ring true!

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was this close /..../ It actually took me until the emails to figure it

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im suprised that Hugo Chavez hasnt tried to get bolivia to change to his peculiar time zone...a half hour different than everywhere almost made me late for work one day because i was watching a venezuelan chanel


2:19 PM  
Anonymous Narciso Paco said...

Is the Hair Club for Men look that Jim now dons, part of the April Fools prank? Or has he succumbed to the impossible to reach stereotyping that globalizing, capitalistic, power mongering multinationals that produce these damaging-to-the-environment chemicals that prey upon the insecurities of aging, cognac-sipping liberals, that are out of coherent ideas? Or,perhaps he just wanted to trap unsuspecting the four-year liberal co-eds while on his tour in the US?

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NP, You are right. Jim looks hot without the beard.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Ian Lipsky said...

the first email tipped me was just too...'like totally valley girl high school' sounding to be real :)

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look closely at the picture again...Evo is giving yanqui gringo the bird with his left hand


2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, Cuchi Cuchi worshipper's whole administration has been a gigantic lump of April Fool's Day for more than 3 years, so you never know when things are topsy turvy or not with him.


The Croats are Morales' Jews
Beni is Morales' Katrina

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My name is Lindsey Phillips and I am the Embassy employee discussed in this post. This all is certainly no joke to me.

I am very mad that my personal emails have been put on display. This is very hard. Reporters have been calling the Embassy all day trying to reach me. One even identified himself as Ronald Duncan, my boyfriend, to get through. I also have to pack and leave for the U.S. by the end of the week.

And to the gentlemen who accused me of being a "Valley Girl" I would just like to point out that these were personal emails to a friend written quickly, not some sort of graduate thesis. I'd like to see your personal emails all dazzled up with good grammar. Right.

And to Ronnie and Rachel, I am so sorry you got dragged into this.

Oh yes, I was not "trashed" at Carnival, just a little tipsy like everyone else.

That is all I have to say.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I realize this is an April Fools joke, but it's not funny. What is funny is Evo, the spymaster. Now that's funny. Evo knows what a flash drive is? Ho Ho Ho Ho. That's very funny!

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No April Fool's joke here, but Bolivia beats Argentina 6-1

Bo-bo-bo, li-li-li, via-via-via....Viva Bolivia!! toda la vida...con su Litoral

5:27 PM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...

OK, I saw the headline in another blog, and I got suckered. Soy innocente.

Another good story might have been "BdeA To Start Daily Flights Between Wilstermann and Reagan National".

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this girl for real? Not only was she stupid enough to use her WORK email for PERSONAL reasons, but she has the nerve to defend herself after unfortunately getting caught.

Moreover, who the hell could be that ignorant to complain about the fact that a country in South America is not in the same time zone as Washington? Are you kidding me? I hope this is not an accurate depiction of a typical State Department staff member.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...

Hold still for the incoming globo, inocente.

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you sonf a bitch jim, i read that entire post for nothing

8:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the best April fool's joke I've seen all day. How dumb am I..

8:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

C-i-n-c-i-n-n-a-t-i . Two "n"'s in the middle and one "t" at the end. No joke.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! said...

wow... some of you are idiots for actually thinking this article is real. Didn't you read the fake e-mails? it's a JOKE, people. April Fool's Day, morons.

12:17 AM  
Anonymous El Grindio said...

Babe, thank God I googled your name and found you here. That email address you gave (state dept, yeah right) said your inbox was full. Ever since that night we hooked up, err... met during carnival at Alexanders, babe I haven't been able to forget your hot sex..err...personality.

See by writing this I show I still respected you in the morning. Besides remember good girls may go to heaven but bad girls go shopping in Paris, London and Equipetrol.
As to your alleged commitment to boyfriend Ronald:
1) I'm not the jelouse type;
2) since he's a Bushie, he's probably still dating "croat guy"; and
3)you know you want me

Got to go. Good luck with that time zone assignment

5:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist:

Sadly, I don't think it's really that far fetched given Morales recent behavior.

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Job Jim, this has become the Joke Heard 'Round the world.


Shame on you, your comment is crass, offensive, just in general bad taste. Lindsey, might or not might be a real person, but she does not deserve the comments you made.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...


Shame on you, your comment is crass, offensive, just in general bad taste.

You must be new around here. ;)

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Lindsey, might or not might be a real person, but she does not deserve the comments you made."


1:29 PM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...

Another headline:

"Litoral Department Joins Media Luna In Secession"

7:34 PM  
Anonymous el Grindio said...

"Lindsey, might or not might be a real person, but she does not deserve the comments you made."

Jim's right. Some people have no sense of humor. Or sense of reality if they think a "not might be a real person" has special rights that forbid comments like I made.

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Really, what you call our "date" in Santa Cruz really wasn't that great. Trust me. I knew you had lost it when you finally said to me:

"Oh, enough of me talking about myself. What do you think about me?" What a classic that was ego-boy.

I knew from that point on that you were hoping to head for some room with a mirror over the bed or a hidden video camera. You seemed like the type. You so wish!

That's why I slipped away when you were in the bathroom at Alexanders.

Thanks to those of you who have defended me here, even those who still think I am made up (that cracks me up). I am headed out of this strange country on Monday.

Good luck to the rest of you.

Lindsey Phillips

9:20 PM  
Anonymous El Grindio said...

"I knew from that point on that you were hoping to head for some room with a mirror over the bed or a hidden video camera."

Babe, how is it you so accurately described my "boudoir"? That's scarey if not creepy.

Unless, you sneaked in through the window later that night. If so, how was I? I had been practicing a lot by myself.

When we're both back stateside, how about an encore. Luckily, I still have your digits. They're right here on that cocktail napkin and I quote your note: "If you want the 411 on me, call (800) 555-1212"

2:24 AM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...

This post has been removed by the author.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is funnier is your lack of a sence of humor or awareness of when others are pulling your leg

11:27 AM  
Blogger Frank_IBC said...

This post has been removed by the author.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The switch from just cocain production to as side line of crack prodution
is being annouced in bolivia. President Evo test smoked the first batch right before he discovered the evil gringo americano plot screw up all of thier clocks. Damn!! Foiled again!

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:42 PM  

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